things i dont like...

1. when i dont have enough money to spend... how much is enough? when i can get everything i want... trust me... i dont want much...

2. when my heart full of hate.. like when i drive, i feel wanna hit the car in front of me.. feel like want to scold my sisters... make my mum upset.. yell to everyone around me...

3. when anyone near me ask me either i'm okay or not when i'm mad... extremely mad... just let me cool down first before you want to ask me anything...

4. when i cant help myself to stop crying... especially when i dont get the results as i wish... believe me, i'll cry non stop for days...

5. when i have bad thought about others... i'll hate myself for that after i get my conscious back...

6. when i spread rumors or say something bad about someone else... especially when i say the wrong fact... owwhhhhh... i really hate that... sometimes, i cant sleep thinking about it...

7. when i have to make decision that can effect someone else's life or my future.. i'm so used to follow orders... ok, i wont really call it orders.... opinion from someone who knows what is the best for me is a better choice of word... since the day i know the world, my mum and dad have been the one decide everything for me.. for spm, mama had decided what subject to get 1A, what subject to get 2A and 3B.... what i need and what i dont need... once they let me decide, i seriously dont know what to decide... i dont mind they decide everything for as i know they only want what's best for me... if possible, i want it to stay that way...

8. when people ask how much someone's parents earn... i never think that's a good question or the best way to socialise... trust me, i've met that kind of people... when you want to befriend with him or her, dont make who their parents are as one of the reason...

i think 8 is enough... trying not to hate too much things...

owwwwhhhhh... yanie and adik going to fly to new delhi tomorrow morning... kind of envy them...

they have the best flight.... only the best of the best...

stay at hotel that cost double than Hilton can charge them...

a business trip become a family trip... they have to move with mini bus as there are 12 of them... or more? hurrrmmmm.. tak kesah la.. i'll not be there pun...

apa2 pun, i'm happy for them.. maybe from there, they can learn something... jauh perjalanan, luas permandangan :D

so.. to be continued :)

kawan~

you know.. everyone has their own perspective about friends..

i've met some who dont believe in friendship.. he said they are your friends when you need them... or just to fit in... not to be outcasted...

some says, friends are important.. they are your strength when you are away from your family...

i think most of you know that i not friendly.. a loner i would say...

somehow last thursday i told one of my housemate how i see friendship...

i told her about my sweet ex best friend when i was form 2...

and how i lost my faith in friendship... pergh... such a strong statement...

okay, i havent lose my faith... but that incident makes me not interested in making friends anymore.... i would rather stay alone.. being a loner is better..

i dont have responsibility to maintain the relationship...

i only have ainun... and not planning to add another...

ktj is my first boarding school... ok, i'm considering myself as a boarding school student cause i dont go home on daily basis.. weekend je okay saya balik :D

after i finished telling her my stories, she gave one advice..

she said, she's open and she can accept my story but in the future, dont tell this to anyone..

cause they might take it as i'm saying i dont appreciate my friends.. like i dont need them...

you know what, from what she said i can feel like she's trying to say that i'm not a good friend...

ironically, ainun called me that night.. exactly after we hang up, amzar called me :)

seems like i still have friends... who remembers me.. and call me..

appreciate me.. that means, i'm not a lousy friend after all...

to be honest, i'm afraid of having friends as i'm afraid of losing them... that's the reason i dont wanna be very close to anyone here...

however, i was amazed how great some people here.. especially mira hana n madihah...

so.. to be continued :)