hidup

i always relate to what my mum used to tell me in every situation.

dulu, mama pernah kata. patut ke kita tak suka seseorang itu cuma sebab perbuatan dia yang sikit tu? contohnye, dalam masa 24 jam sehari, mungkin cuma 10 minit je dia sakit kan hati kita. dia buat perkara yang kita tak suka. and most of the time, she/he being nice to us.

wajar ke kita tak suka dia kalau macam tu?

from what i can see, every friendship must face ups and downs. mesti lalui keadaan terasa dan sakit hati sebelum boleh betul2 jadi kawan.

first phase:

both of you will be very close, because both of you will try to please each other.

second phase:

you guys are getting closer. more comfortable with each other. you tend to be yourself, where the most common statement come in play. "nobody is perfect". you show all your flaws.

third phase:

you will have a quarrel, about how difficult it is to accept your friend's attitude, habit or even physical appearance. this is the hardest part.

forth phase:

if you manage to go through phase 3, you guys will be good friends. if not, then both of you will go separate ways and maybe only say hye through facebook.

i've faced many relationships that manage to reach third phase and not further. maybe because i have flaws that's difficult to tolerate? maybe.

so, today in accounting class i told my teacher about a friend of mine. she's very nice to me and i dont really have anything against her. but somehow, lots of people dont like her.

i asked one of my friend, why? she said that some of her attitudes are unacceptable. i tried to describe about this particular friend of mine to my teacher and somehow, it sounds so wrong. i said to my teacher : "you can see that she'll be alone because no one want to talk or walk with her". i was describing her because that's what others do to her. people try to run away from her.

the way i said it like, i'm the one who treat her like that. actually i dont. she is extremely nice to me. and i always sit with her in math class. i never mean to say bad things about her, but i did. i just told my teacher about what i heard about her. but it sounds like that's what i think about her.

arrggghhhhh... nape lately nie afiqah macam sangat jahat? tak habis2 buat orang sakit hati. cuba kalau dia dengar, mesti dia sangat sedih. she trusted me.

sorry for the emo post. i know this past few days i've been posting emotional posts. i so dont like myself right now.

so.. to be continued :)

pictures!

some random pictures i wish to share :D

enjoy!

after we finished the sketch about malay wedding. i'm the mother and he was the father.

my roommate and i. happy having her as my roommate.

this picture was taken when we were at PCB

my parents

my family

this is the picture that i mention in the post handphone. ainun gave it to me right after i post about it.

the best upper six friends i have here. hana n mira :D

credit to mira. you will look nice in a picture if she's the photographer :D

during tasputra dinner. we were sitting at the VIP table :D

right after we ride that thing. cyber shot i think the name of it.

during kakak's 23rd birthday

my beautiful yanie :D

the lower six :D sabrina n madihah

speech by the project manager :D

hana nampak macam perempuan arab kan?

so.. to be continued :)

kawan

there was once, i met this quote.. or may i say bump into it?

"friend is a gift i give to myself"

i cant agree more with that statement.

so, guess what?

i just gave myself a gift! yeay me!

okay, now i would like to present to you the gift.

it is.... eyh, she is~~~

dapat teka tak siapa dia?

okay laaaa. i give you another clue.

haaaaa... now you can guess who she is..

dia lah putri nadhirah yang tinggal di rumah sebelah.

okay, now i wanna show you something sweet she did for me.

pink: "sorry, i'm a bit dirty"

yellow : "please take care of me"

sweetttttttttt takkkkkkk??

tolong cakap sweeeettttt. saya dah terharu sangat.

p/s : macam mana silent blogger? puas hati tak dengan post yang saya dedicate khas untuk awak :P

so.. to be continued :)

life is not a fairy tale

is it possible to have a fairy tale life?

hurrrmmmm... i would answer yes to that question. but it stops after you get into boarding school :D

why boarding school?

because you cant do anything about things or person that you dont like.

okay, example. you have a very small study table and every time you want to study, you have to study on your bed cause obviously you need space. if you are living in boarding house, there's nothing you can do about the study table. in my boarding house, you cant even move the table even a bit. if you are at home, you can buy a bigger table. you can arrange the table wherever you want. do you get my point?

next example, imagine you met someone with an attitude that you dont like. if you are schooling at daily school, you can stay away from that person. even if you guys are classmate, you are not necessarily have to spend time with that person. but if you live in boarding school, you dont have a choice. you have to mingle with him/her. to make it worse, that person live in the same house as you. and even worse if that person is your roommate. hypothetically :D

(jujur, hanye sebagai contoh dan bukan keadaan sebenar)

i've been living a fairy tale. jujur tak tipu. when i had a fight, it didnt last long. if i dont like someone, i'm not close to that person. mama once told me. dont hate anyone. if you dont like someone, try to make yourself like him/her. if you have try your very best to like that person, but still tak bleh, then stay away from him/her. i never really hate someone. basically because mama dont allow me to. cause mama said, if i hate someone, i'm the one being hurt, not the person hate. tak patut kan?

i'm sick of myself. keep on saying bad things about someone.

what make you tell stories?

of course because you know things. you know what happen.

how do you know?

because that person live close to you, right?

why dont you keep a distance?

daaaa... obviously because i cant.

everyone has a choice. you can change house perhaps.

i dont want to let go what i have here. i like my life here.

so, stop complaining. afiqah, remember the values you have been holding on. dont lose yourself. this is not you.

i know for sure you dont like to be someone who always say bad things about others.

i know you wont let anyone stop you from being happy.

i know you dont hold grudge.

(this is not really afiqah. she's still trying to be the afiqah as i mentioned above)

ok, from now on, i will stop whatever bad things i've been doing. i'll be more positive.

i'll start be nice after i finish this post. so, before i end it i wanna say something not so nice.

it goes to whoever read this (itupun kalau blog nie ada readers).

kita hidup kat dunia nie bukan seorang. kalau boleh hidup sorang-sorang, saya pasti ramai yang nak. but that's not an option. jadi diri sendiri itu memang yang terbaik. dan orang lain seharusnye terima seseorang itu seadanya. terima kekurangan dan kelebihan seseorang. tapi, bila ramai orang tak boleh terima kita bila kita rasa kita jadi diri kita yang sebenar, saya rasa maksudnye ada sesuatu tentang kita yang tak kena. kalau seorang je yang tak suka kita, mungkin orang tu yang bermasalah. tapi kalau ramai, mungkin tiba masa untuk kita fikir balik mungkin silap tu pada kita. tak salah untuk rasa kita mungkin silap. tak teruk pun kalau rasa kita silap. ego tu elok, untuk jaga maruah. tapi kalau terlalu ego, tu dah jadi perkara negatif.

saya pasti ramai pernah tengok cerita kabhi kushi kabhi gham. ada sesuatu yang menarik saya amik dari cerita tu. ada satu scene nie dia kata : meminta maaf tak bermaksud anda kalah atau salah. itu menunjukkan anda cukup rendah diri mengakui kesilapan. dan orang yang memaafkan mempunyai hati yang mulia.

point saya dari cerita kat atas, teguran tak bermaksud anda salah. ia sekadar pertolongan dari orang laen untuk membantu anda menjadi orang yang lebih baek. dan anda yang menerima teguran dengan baek adalah cukup rendah diri untuk menerima kekurangan diri. pada saya, agak bongkak untuk anda kata, anda tak boleh terima orang tegur anda. tak boleh terima orang cakap mende tak elok tentang anda. tak boleh terima orang beri pandangan tentang apa anda buat. mungkin kalau betul anda memang tak boleh terima, saya rasa tak perlu luahkan. sekadar dengar teguran dan pandangan tersebut dan amik mende tu sebagai angin lalu. kalau orang tengah beri pandangan dan ada berhentikan dia sebelum dia sempat habiskan ayat pertama dia. dan anda cakap pulak macam saya tulis di atas tentang betapa anda tak boleh terima teguran, itu menimbulkan prasangka.

ok, mungkin silap orang tu untuk ada prasangka. tapi, logiknye, susah untuk dia rasa anda nie rendah diri bila anda berkata demikian.

ok. dah habis tulis teguran2 yang dalam masa yang sama, berguna untuk saya.

i'll try my best to be good :D

so.. to be continued :)

flaw

sekadar gamba hiasan :D she was in 5 different newspapers for that day :) my baby sister

Bak kata philosopher nabila from Moscow who currently doing medic which has nothing to do with philosophy.

"someone else is swallowing your flaw as you are swallowing her/his flaw"

Can I chew it first? Only then I swallow. It’s is hard to swallow a big piece of flaw.

What she said somehow ease me. She said, we are not angle. Try to learn to give and take.

I’m still in the process becoming immune to her/his particular flaw. Can I take vaccine? So that I don’t need to go through the pain.

Ok, I exaggerating. He/she isn’t that bad. And right now, I’m doing totally fine with him/her. I’m still trying to forget what he/she did to me.

He/she was the first person did that to me. I’ve never felt that small being yelled at.

so.. to be continued :)

demam

I screwed up my econs paper too :(

Semalam kata macam separuh nyawa demam. Hari nie tinggal suku je. Penat demam nie. mentally and physically. Alhamdulillah I’m in my recovery stage.

There’s always silver lining behind the cloud (betul ke idiom nie?). one thing I realise when I’m having fever, I appreciate the presence of my friends more.

First of all, of course my gratitude goes to mira who helped me during OBS and STE. Yeah if she wasn’t there, my other friends would help me. But she was there and she helped. Plus, she did lots of other stuff for me that I cant even describe how thankful I am with her presence.

credit to muq

Next, my roommate, Sabrina. She was the one who took care of me when I’m sick. There was this once I was really sick and I cant even stand on my own. She prepared all the medicine for me and she put a wet cloth on my forehead before she go to class. Baek kan dia? She’ll be such a great mom :D

i took this picture from her fb i think

Last but not least, hana and madihah. They never leave me alone. Whenever I’m down, hana always there to give me her positive charges :D she is extremely positive and extremely friendly. That’s why she has lots of close friends. Whenever I can only see bad side of something or someone, she’ll open the positive door. Let me see it in different perspective.

Madihah, she is just so fun. I can tell her anything. She wont judge. Plus, I always go jog with her and talk about movie with her :D she loves starstruck. jujur tak tipu :) if I’m down, she will absolutely never leave me alone. i can count on her. i never feel alone with what i do cause she always there to back me up. especially naquaih programme. or is it me back her up? hurrrmm.. either way.

gamba glamour sikit :) amik dari internet

Thanks to them :D

Yesterday, during dinner hana asked me a question.

"what do I feel when I see students here wear the smiley t shirt?"

The first thing occurred in my mind was, I’m embarrassed. I didn’t fulfil my promise. I was one or two months late. Then hana said, “don’t feel that way. You manage to give it at the end right?”. you see? She is extremely positive. Just lucky having her around.

The next thing occurred in my mind was, the whole process of it. who left me when I was at the peak of the problem and who came to help me to get it done. And when I felt like Allah talked to me. When I was at my lowest, I read the Quran to get my strength back. I randomly choose a page from translation of Quran. I read about the hardship our prophets face. The verse was about Allah trying to convince prophet Muhammad to be patience. The previous prophet faced harder times. About hardship prophet Musa and Nuh faced with their people. When I read that, I felt like Allah trying to tell me, sabar. He is there for me.

Ok, I’m done for now. Need to have more rest. Mama dah call suruh rehat dan makan ubat.

so.. to be continued :)

exams

1. i screwed up my accounting paper. i can say i will get less than 40% for sure. huh. rasa macam nak pengsan dah nie. demam tahap dewa.

2. i dont really like thinking about the possibility that i'll fly. yeah, it's terrifying considering the fact i might not fly if i dont meet my university and sponsor's cut off point. but imagining me being alone there, lebih menakutkan.

3. i'm still trying to adapt befriend with self-centered person. trust me, it's not easy. it cost me tears. and sometimes abang or ayah need to fetch me home just because i cant stand to face that person. or it might be because me myself is a self-centered person and i find it hard to live with a normal person? hurrrmmmmm.... mungkin.

4. i feel lucky to get jawahir as my boarding house. i'm lucky to get the chance knowing my friends here. thanks hana, mira and madihah. you guys are great :D

5. you never know how it feel and what you would do if you never been in her/his shoe. so, dont simply say what her/his reaction was wrong or inappropriate. or at least dont say it on her/his face.

urrggghhhhh... i have econs paper tomorrow. nak tido dulu untuk dapatkan tenaga balik. rasa macam nak separuh mati demam.

so.. to be continued :)

handphone

gambar sekadar penyeri post. my parents :D

I had my first hanphone when I was standard 4. I didn’t ask for it. my parents gave it to me. When I was in standard 6, my class had a school trip to sunway lagoon if I’m not mistaken. When I was enjoying the theme park, someone took my phone from my bag. I cant describe to you how frighten I was. It turned out to be, my parents didn’t mind at all. Okay, it wasn’t that they didn’t mind. They just didn’t gave me any reaction.

The next week, my dad offered me a new phone :D but I said no. I didn’t had any phone until I was form 3. I had one just because my dad forced me to. he said it’s difficult for them to contact me. Huh. Like I’m living in boarding school. Hari-hari balik rumah kot (sekolah harian).

My first phone was the cheapest phone nokia can offer. It wasn’t that my parents wanted to give me that phone but I’m the one request for it. later on, my sister gave me a sony Ericson phone when I was in form 4. At that time, that phone considered as a good phone. BB and i phone were not famous yet.

I used that phone until I’m form 6. I treasure that phone. Maybe because that was my first good phone. Plus, I have lots of memory with it. especially pictures in that phone.

Dulu, ada kawan pinjam phone tu. saya guna phone saya lagi satu. Bukan sebab saya tak sayang phone sony tu. tapi ayah tak bagi saya pinjamkan phone saya lagi satu tu. dan saya pun yakin kawan saya tu akan jaga phone sony tu dengan baik. So, ok je. Tak kesah sangat.

Lagi sekali, ada sorang kawan saya yang laen pinjam phone sony tu. phone dia rosak tapi dia pakai kejap je sebab boyfriend dia suruh dia guna phone boyfriend dia. Tak kesah la.

Satu hari tu, saya bercerita tentang mesej2 dalam phone tu yang saya dah delete sikit demi sikit. Bila saya cerita, dia buat muka terkejut. Dia kata dia dah “delete all messages” dalam phone tu. sebab dia ingat cuma mesej dia je dalam phone tu. :O saya pulak buat muka terkejut. Tapi saya kata okay je kat dia. Memang about time pun saya delete mesej2 dalam phone tu. Cuma, mesej2 ainun, mama, yanie, kakak n abang yang saya sayang. Hurrmmm.... tak pe la. Nak buat macam mana. Perkara dah jadi.

At least saya masih ada phone tu lagi time tu. ada gambar2 kenangan dengan kawan2. Family. Bayangkanlah. Empat tahun punye kenangan.

Semalam saya tanye dia, dia dah pulangkan ke phone tu? dia jawab dah kot sebab tak de kat laci dia. Saya dah macam -.-‘ macam mana nie? Kalau dia dah pulangkan, saya tak tau phone tu kat mana. Saya pernah cari kat rumah n dalam bilik tapi tak de.

Saya masih ingat gambar saya dan ainun sebelum pergi jogathon sekolah. Time tu saya masih pakai braces. Suka sangat gamba tu. sekarang tinggal kenangan je.

Huuummmpppphhh....

so.. to be continued :)