hati yang basah

currently islamic society (ISOC) is busy planning for discover islam week (DIW)

this is the only picture i have during the meeting

talking about discovering islam, it makes me wonder... what is islam? who is muslim?

is islam just a religion and belief? or perhaps like common answer when muslims were ask the definition of islam to them,

"islam is a way of life"

who are muslims?

are they guys who have beard and girls who wear hijab?

i first started knew Him in KTJ.. and i get to know Him and his messenger (pbuh) here, which islam is not the official religion...

during Rasulullah (pbuh) time, he started dakwah by correcting the akidah of the disbeliever.. once we accept Him as the the only God and Rasulullah (pbuh) his messenger, we will voluntarily do our duty.. the reason why we are created...

while sight seeing at birm, my friends and i stopped at this one booth.. booth for those who have enquiries about islam.. they also provided lots of free flyers, such as the mystery of hijab, what bible says about muhammad (pbuh), get to know islam, as well as tafsir of Quran..

it was really amazing.. it's not just for the non muslims... it's also for muslims who want to get to know islam... and once you enter the world of islam, you wish you will never leave.. the feeling is just amazing.. i never felt like this before, in malaysia...

anisah pernah tanye kak fiza, macam mana kita nak bagi adik2 kita, kawan2 kita yang laen dapat rasa macam apa kita rasa?

dari apa saya nampak, cara pendekatan di malaysia kurang berkesan.. amalam tanpa kefahaman kurang maknanye..

seperti contoh, perempuan pakai tudung tapi perkataan yang keluar dari mulut dia penuh dengan bahasa yang kasar...

kalau awak baca article mystery of hijab, awak sangat akan rasa waaaaaaaaaa *dengan mulut tenganga*

"hijab is a veil of heart"

balik pada soalan anisah, kak fiza kata :

awak sampai kan apa awak rasa.. hanya hati yang basah dapat membasahkan hati orang laen..

hati kita nie berongga dan pasti akan dipenuhi dengan sesuatu.. macam sponge basuh pinggan tu.. kalau rongga tu kosong, ia akan serap apa yang ada dikelilingnye... awak faham kan maksud saya? :D

ada satu kata2 dari alumni LSE nie yang sangat menarik minat saya... dia memberi katak sebagai analogy.. kalau kita letak katak dalam air, ia akan duduk je kat situ.. kalau kita panaskan air tu, katak tu tak akan cuba melompat sebab badannye makin biasa dengan air yang panas, sehingga ia mati kepanasan...

kata2 alumni tu:

we become climatise with evil around us

and that's what we need to avoid...

akhir kata, have a nice day :D

Assalamualaikum :)

so.. to be continued :)

problem set 2

why the name is problem set?

because the set is full of problems...

what about the no '2' there?

because that's our second problem set for this term...

i wish to keep on whining about how difficult the set is.. but then, every time i think about it, i remember kak zaf's advice to kak mai.. she said, "mai, i rasa you patut buat kerje you sikit2.. tiap kali you duduk diam tak buat apa, you buat essay you.. tiap kali you dalam tube, you buat lagi sikit.. buat sikit demi sikit.. insyaAllah, akan siap on time"..

i dont think that's the actual sentence she said but the point is there...

4 more days to go, then i'm done with school... for this term -.-'

i hope all of you who dont have essays to hand in or problem set to be done, or maybe course work to do, have a nice day :)

and please pray that we manage to do it in time, and get good grades :D

Assalamualaikum :)

so.. to be continued :)

penulisan

when i read my previous post about my friends and i at warwick, somehow.. hurrrmmm, i dont like it.. i find it very childish..

blogs that write plainly about their day, is boring..

for next summer, made in europe organises a charity project to go to bosnia.. my interview is this sunday.. please pray the best for me :D

i really wanna go to bosnia :)

so.. to be continued :)

sejuk

since tajuk nie sejuk, saje letak gamba yanie snowboarding :D sebab ketika itu sudah pasti sejuk :)

dulu masa kat malaysia, teringin sangat sejuk.. semangat pasang aircond tiap kali ada peluang..

kalau kat sekolah rendah dulu, seronok bebenar dapat masuk bilik guru sebab ada aircond..

kalau kat rumah tu, semua nak berkumpul dan buat kerje kat bilik sembahyang sebab kat luar tak de aircond.. ye laaaa, mama kata kalau semua bilik pasang aircond serentak nanti bil tinggi dan sangatlah rugi.. so, kalau nak aircond, semua kumpul 1 tempat..

masa jalan kat melbourne dulu, seronok je sejuk dia.. sebab boleh pakai coat :) tapi time tu bukan winter dan tak de la sejuk sangat.. gedik je lebih nak pakai coat bagai -.-'

kalau jogging kat ktj dulu, selalu elak matahari.. kalau nak jogging jgak dekat padang rugby time petang2 masa matahari masih terik, sanggup tutup muka dengan selendang yang macam jarang2 tu sebab tak nak muka gelap...

kalau kat rumah tak payah cerita la.. jangan harap nak kena panas.. jogging pun kat treadmill dalam rumah..

kalau drive pun, mesti pastikan pakai baju lengan panjang sebab tak nak tangan gelap kena matahari..

awal2 sampai sini, ada kawan complain.. "london nie tak sejuk pun. kalau nak panas macam nie malaysia pun boleh dapat". tapi jujur, awal2 sampai sini serious london panas..

beberape minggu kemudian, london makin sejuk.. sejuk yang masih boleh diterima.. tapi kalau baru lepas amik wuduk tu, memang rasa nak mengigil... dengar plak complain laen.. "sejukkkkk nyeeeee hari nieeeee... leceh la.. masuk lecture hall kena bukak coat, then kena pakai balik.. kalau tak sejuk kena pegang je.. i rimas".

*okay, bukan kata2 sebenar.. telah di edit sedikit demi sedikit mengikut cita rasa penulis :D*

lepas tu, weekend lepas kami sekawan pergi ke warwick... turun2 je bas, PEEEERRRGHHH!!! SEJUK NYEE!!!

sofia kata, biasa la nie.. macam nie la kitaorang hari2.. dan boleh plak, salah seorang dari 'pemandu pelancong' kami tak pakai coat..

saya dah macam, waaaaahhhhh.. menggigil sudah pasti.. rasa nak menangis sebab sejuk sangat pun ye.. dan nasib baek raihan bawak glove.. paling tidak, kurang sikit sejuk di tangan :)

our picture at warwick dan saya adalah no 2 dari kanan :D

bila macam dah lama sejuk2 macam nie, the first thing you will miss is, of course your family :D next, you will miss malaysia so much.. you will miss the sun and the heat (okay, tipu.. sampai sekarang masih elak cahaya matahari)

it sounds like i'm complaining.. okay, i'm not..

*sekarang mati kutu. how to justify that statement*

anyway, point sebenar entry ini adalah untuk bercerita percubaan saya untuk keluar london telah berjaya! :D

nak tau kesah percubaan pertama yang tidak berjaya dan tragis?

hurrrmmmm, di laen hari mungkin :)

i wish you, have a nice day :)

Assalamualaikum :D

so.. to be continued :)

london

i know it has been so long since i last updated this blog... and somehow i feel like no one cares.. so, no need to clarify anything :D

so, latest up date about me, now i'm in london! :D yeah, i'm here! :)

oxford street

mungkin anda tertanye, mengapakah afiqah di london? apakah yang dibuatnye di situ? sejak bilakah dan sampai bilakah?

atau anda juga mungkin tak tertanye apa-apa langsung -.-'

okay, abaikan..

buat masa sekarang, saya belaja di sini. membuat program ijazah dengan harapan akan tamat 2014. doakan yang terbaek untuk saya eyh :)

sebenarnye saya dah tinggal kat sini untuk 2 bulan.. or to be more precise, 2 months and 5 days..

okay, setakat ini sahaja buat masa sekarang.. akan up date lagi dalam masa kurang dari 2 minggu.. insyaAllah..

moga2 anda yang membaca lalui hari yang baek :D

Assalamualaikum :)

so.. to be continued :)

plagiarism

"Minnie Mouse is adorable.Even the real one.If only you know what I mean."

saya amik ayat kat atas dari blog seorang rakan sekolej.. i know none of you understand what it means but i totally understand it :D

he posted it like ages ago but i just found it.. rasa macam nak gelak sebab tak sangka dia akan cuba tunjukkan apa dia rasa... dekat blog plak tu :D

so.. to be continued :)

denial

i still cant accept the fact that boy and girl cant even be friends...

kalau tak boleh couple tu, sangat lah faham.. tapi nak borak2 n lepak2 pun tak boleh, macam agak susah nak terima..

bukti dah depan mata memang tak boleh, tapi masih susah rasa nak terima..

so.. to be continued :)

random

it has been so long since my last post. but i have valid reasons for it :)

okay, first of all, i've been busy with my papers... then i had OBS and right after that i had BTN. memang sangat tak sempat nak menulis kat blog nie.

my BTN ended last saturday and i know it has been a week but i was so busy with other insignificant stuff.

i wanted to post something on OBS or BTN.. tapi tak rajen la rasa nak karang panjang sekarang. so, saya hanye up date kan dengan gamba sahaja buat masa sekarang :)

pictures i took while waiting in the car :D

awak, you know who you are :D

a picture i found while browsing old pictures :D it was taken last year early july, right after OBS

so.. to be continued :)

mask

i'm tired of putting on a show...

please stop telling me what i should and shouldnt do, think and feel...

so.. to be continued :)

i will miss

since my jogging buddy already left, i went for a jog alone yesterday.

sayu sangat rasa nak tinggalkan kolej nie. suka sangat jogging scenery kat sini....

after jogging, i love to just lie down on the grass... and look up the sky... u wanna see the view that i enjoyed?

it's just so calming... i wish i can just stay there as long as i wish until i get bored of the view, but i have dinner to go to..

this is the view of the cricket field..

so.. to be continued :)

i will miss

this is my last week here. starting next friday, i'll leave this college for good.

jujur, sangat sayu rasa bila fikir nak tinggalkan ktj. i like it here. i like my life here...

at cricket field where i always jog

the elegant uniform

so.. to be continued :)

tv shows

MUST watch :

*Disney Channel Sonny with a Chance

*Disney Channel Waktu Rehat

enjoyable to watch :

*Phineas and Ferb

*How I Met Your Mother

*The Suite Life

fun to watch :

*NCIS

*Bones

*Criminal Mind

when i'm home, other than spend time with my family i would occupy my time with tv series as i listed above. if you have disney channel, i highly encourage you to watch sonny with a chance and waktu rehat. i can assure you lots of fun while watching the show :D

so.. to be continued :)

love

i need you by my side..

you need to do what you love for you to be happy. if to do what you love means to be at the other side of the county, then let it be..

your happiness is everything to me.

so.. to be continued :)

love

i'm still getting use to people call you doctor...

even i prefer they call you by your name...

so.. to be continued :)

exam

so today is wednesday. all my cie papers are this week. kind of stress up... a bit.

since the beginning, i thought my papers would be on tuesday, wednesday(today) and this coming friday. so, i kind of have some plan how to study. like focus on accounting paper 4 last night cause i thought the paper is today... then i would have one whole day for econs paper 3 tomorrow..

so, usually i wont wake up early and go for breakfast unless if i have paper early in the morning... since i thought i have paper today, i had my shower berfore subuh... i went for breakfast.. and so tense that i dont understand how the marking scheme in OctNov10 get the figure of average investment...

while searching for the answer, mira asked me...

"fiqah, paper pukul berape hari nie?"

then i said, "kul 9.. jap lagi jeeee... heeeeeee, takuttttt"

mira macam pelik dan kata, "eyh, alyaa kata tak de paper hari nie"

"oh, ye ke?" saya pun nak cari alyaa nak bagi tau dia kita ada paper hari nie...

tapi mira kata cuba check dulu jadual....

hehehhehehhe... heeeeeeeeh....

a'ah laaaa.. paper esok.... dan seterusnye, teruslah buka facebook sebab semalam tak bukak langsung... dan setelah itu, mencari gambar2 lee min ho :D serious ah dia nie HOOOOOTTTTTTT teramat sangat :D dan seterusnye, tersenyum seorangan melihat gamba lee min ho :)

sekian, terima kasih :D

so.. to be continued :)

[8:9] "Thus, when you implored your Lord to come to the rescue, He responded to you: "I am supporting you with one thousand angels in succession."

so.. to be continued :)

love

you are my world, you are everything to me...

there's nothing in this world i wouldnt do for you.

so.. to be continued :)

hidup

i always relate to what my mum used to tell me in every situation.

dulu, mama pernah kata. patut ke kita tak suka seseorang itu cuma sebab perbuatan dia yang sikit tu? contohnye, dalam masa 24 jam sehari, mungkin cuma 10 minit je dia sakit kan hati kita. dia buat perkara yang kita tak suka. and most of the time, she/he being nice to us.

wajar ke kita tak suka dia kalau macam tu?

from what i can see, every friendship must face ups and downs. mesti lalui keadaan terasa dan sakit hati sebelum boleh betul2 jadi kawan.

first phase:

both of you will be very close, because both of you will try to please each other.

second phase:

you guys are getting closer. more comfortable with each other. you tend to be yourself, where the most common statement come in play. "nobody is perfect". you show all your flaws.

third phase:

you will have a quarrel, about how difficult it is to accept your friend's attitude, habit or even physical appearance. this is the hardest part.

forth phase:

if you manage to go through phase 3, you guys will be good friends. if not, then both of you will go separate ways and maybe only say hye through facebook.

i've faced many relationships that manage to reach third phase and not further. maybe because i have flaws that's difficult to tolerate? maybe.

so, today in accounting class i told my teacher about a friend of mine. she's very nice to me and i dont really have anything against her. but somehow, lots of people dont like her.

i asked one of my friend, why? she said that some of her attitudes are unacceptable. i tried to describe about this particular friend of mine to my teacher and somehow, it sounds so wrong. i said to my teacher : "you can see that she'll be alone because no one want to talk or walk with her". i was describing her because that's what others do to her. people try to run away from her.

the way i said it like, i'm the one who treat her like that. actually i dont. she is extremely nice to me. and i always sit with her in math class. i never mean to say bad things about her, but i did. i just told my teacher about what i heard about her. but it sounds like that's what i think about her.

arrggghhhhh... nape lately nie afiqah macam sangat jahat? tak habis2 buat orang sakit hati. cuba kalau dia dengar, mesti dia sangat sedih. she trusted me.

sorry for the emo post. i know this past few days i've been posting emotional posts. i so dont like myself right now.

so.. to be continued :)

pictures!

some random pictures i wish to share :D

enjoy!

after we finished the sketch about malay wedding. i'm the mother and he was the father.

my roommate and i. happy having her as my roommate.

this picture was taken when we were at PCB

my parents

my family

this is the picture that i mention in the post handphone. ainun gave it to me right after i post about it.

the best upper six friends i have here. hana n mira :D

credit to mira. you will look nice in a picture if she's the photographer :D

during tasputra dinner. we were sitting at the VIP table :D

right after we ride that thing. cyber shot i think the name of it.

during kakak's 23rd birthday

my beautiful yanie :D

the lower six :D sabrina n madihah

speech by the project manager :D

hana nampak macam perempuan arab kan?

so.. to be continued :)

kawan

there was once, i met this quote.. or may i say bump into it?

"friend is a gift i give to myself"

i cant agree more with that statement.

so, guess what?

i just gave myself a gift! yeay me!

okay, now i would like to present to you the gift.

it is.... eyh, she is~~~

dapat teka tak siapa dia?

okay laaaa. i give you another clue.

haaaaa... now you can guess who she is..

dia lah putri nadhirah yang tinggal di rumah sebelah.

okay, now i wanna show you something sweet she did for me.

pink: "sorry, i'm a bit dirty"

yellow : "please take care of me"

sweetttttttttt takkkkkkk??

tolong cakap sweeeettttt. saya dah terharu sangat.

p/s : macam mana silent blogger? puas hati tak dengan post yang saya dedicate khas untuk awak :P

so.. to be continued :)

life is not a fairy tale

is it possible to have a fairy tale life?

hurrrmmmm... i would answer yes to that question. but it stops after you get into boarding school :D

why boarding school?

because you cant do anything about things or person that you dont like.

okay, example. you have a very small study table and every time you want to study, you have to study on your bed cause obviously you need space. if you are living in boarding house, there's nothing you can do about the study table. in my boarding house, you cant even move the table even a bit. if you are at home, you can buy a bigger table. you can arrange the table wherever you want. do you get my point?

next example, imagine you met someone with an attitude that you dont like. if you are schooling at daily school, you can stay away from that person. even if you guys are classmate, you are not necessarily have to spend time with that person. but if you live in boarding school, you dont have a choice. you have to mingle with him/her. to make it worse, that person live in the same house as you. and even worse if that person is your roommate. hypothetically :D

(jujur, hanye sebagai contoh dan bukan keadaan sebenar)

i've been living a fairy tale. jujur tak tipu. when i had a fight, it didnt last long. if i dont like someone, i'm not close to that person. mama once told me. dont hate anyone. if you dont like someone, try to make yourself like him/her. if you have try your very best to like that person, but still tak bleh, then stay away from him/her. i never really hate someone. basically because mama dont allow me to. cause mama said, if i hate someone, i'm the one being hurt, not the person hate. tak patut kan?

i'm sick of myself. keep on saying bad things about someone.

what make you tell stories?

of course because you know things. you know what happen.

how do you know?

because that person live close to you, right?

why dont you keep a distance?

daaaa... obviously because i cant.

everyone has a choice. you can change house perhaps.

i dont want to let go what i have here. i like my life here.

so, stop complaining. afiqah, remember the values you have been holding on. dont lose yourself. this is not you.

i know for sure you dont like to be someone who always say bad things about others.

i know you wont let anyone stop you from being happy.

i know you dont hold grudge.

(this is not really afiqah. she's still trying to be the afiqah as i mentioned above)

ok, from now on, i will stop whatever bad things i've been doing. i'll be more positive.

i'll start be nice after i finish this post. so, before i end it i wanna say something not so nice.

it goes to whoever read this (itupun kalau blog nie ada readers).

kita hidup kat dunia nie bukan seorang. kalau boleh hidup sorang-sorang, saya pasti ramai yang nak. but that's not an option. jadi diri sendiri itu memang yang terbaik. dan orang lain seharusnye terima seseorang itu seadanya. terima kekurangan dan kelebihan seseorang. tapi, bila ramai orang tak boleh terima kita bila kita rasa kita jadi diri kita yang sebenar, saya rasa maksudnye ada sesuatu tentang kita yang tak kena. kalau seorang je yang tak suka kita, mungkin orang tu yang bermasalah. tapi kalau ramai, mungkin tiba masa untuk kita fikir balik mungkin silap tu pada kita. tak salah untuk rasa kita mungkin silap. tak teruk pun kalau rasa kita silap. ego tu elok, untuk jaga maruah. tapi kalau terlalu ego, tu dah jadi perkara negatif.

saya pasti ramai pernah tengok cerita kabhi kushi kabhi gham. ada sesuatu yang menarik saya amik dari cerita tu. ada satu scene nie dia kata : meminta maaf tak bermaksud anda kalah atau salah. itu menunjukkan anda cukup rendah diri mengakui kesilapan. dan orang yang memaafkan mempunyai hati yang mulia.

point saya dari cerita kat atas, teguran tak bermaksud anda salah. ia sekadar pertolongan dari orang laen untuk membantu anda menjadi orang yang lebih baek. dan anda yang menerima teguran dengan baek adalah cukup rendah diri untuk menerima kekurangan diri. pada saya, agak bongkak untuk anda kata, anda tak boleh terima orang tegur anda. tak boleh terima orang cakap mende tak elok tentang anda. tak boleh terima orang beri pandangan tentang apa anda buat. mungkin kalau betul anda memang tak boleh terima, saya rasa tak perlu luahkan. sekadar dengar teguran dan pandangan tersebut dan amik mende tu sebagai angin lalu. kalau orang tengah beri pandangan dan ada berhentikan dia sebelum dia sempat habiskan ayat pertama dia. dan anda cakap pulak macam saya tulis di atas tentang betapa anda tak boleh terima teguran, itu menimbulkan prasangka.

ok, mungkin silap orang tu untuk ada prasangka. tapi, logiknye, susah untuk dia rasa anda nie rendah diri bila anda berkata demikian.

ok. dah habis tulis teguran2 yang dalam masa yang sama, berguna untuk saya.

i'll try my best to be good :D

so.. to be continued :)

flaw

sekadar gamba hiasan :D she was in 5 different newspapers for that day :) my baby sister

Bak kata philosopher nabila from Moscow who currently doing medic which has nothing to do with philosophy.

"someone else is swallowing your flaw as you are swallowing her/his flaw"

Can I chew it first? Only then I swallow. It’s is hard to swallow a big piece of flaw.

What she said somehow ease me. She said, we are not angle. Try to learn to give and take.

I’m still in the process becoming immune to her/his particular flaw. Can I take vaccine? So that I don’t need to go through the pain.

Ok, I exaggerating. He/she isn’t that bad. And right now, I’m doing totally fine with him/her. I’m still trying to forget what he/she did to me.

He/she was the first person did that to me. I’ve never felt that small being yelled at.

so.. to be continued :)

demam

I screwed up my econs paper too :(

Semalam kata macam separuh nyawa demam. Hari nie tinggal suku je. Penat demam nie. mentally and physically. Alhamdulillah I’m in my recovery stage.

There’s always silver lining behind the cloud (betul ke idiom nie?). one thing I realise when I’m having fever, I appreciate the presence of my friends more.

First of all, of course my gratitude goes to mira who helped me during OBS and STE. Yeah if she wasn’t there, my other friends would help me. But she was there and she helped. Plus, she did lots of other stuff for me that I cant even describe how thankful I am with her presence.

credit to muq

Next, my roommate, Sabrina. She was the one who took care of me when I’m sick. There was this once I was really sick and I cant even stand on my own. She prepared all the medicine for me and she put a wet cloth on my forehead before she go to class. Baek kan dia? She’ll be such a great mom :D

i took this picture from her fb i think

Last but not least, hana and madihah. They never leave me alone. Whenever I’m down, hana always there to give me her positive charges :D she is extremely positive and extremely friendly. That’s why she has lots of close friends. Whenever I can only see bad side of something or someone, she’ll open the positive door. Let me see it in different perspective.

Madihah, she is just so fun. I can tell her anything. She wont judge. Plus, I always go jog with her and talk about movie with her :D she loves starstruck. jujur tak tipu :) if I’m down, she will absolutely never leave me alone. i can count on her. i never feel alone with what i do cause she always there to back me up. especially naquaih programme. or is it me back her up? hurrrmm.. either way.

gamba glamour sikit :) amik dari internet

Thanks to them :D

Yesterday, during dinner hana asked me a question.

"what do I feel when I see students here wear the smiley t shirt?"

The first thing occurred in my mind was, I’m embarrassed. I didn’t fulfil my promise. I was one or two months late. Then hana said, “don’t feel that way. You manage to give it at the end right?”. you see? She is extremely positive. Just lucky having her around.

The next thing occurred in my mind was, the whole process of it. who left me when I was at the peak of the problem and who came to help me to get it done. And when I felt like Allah talked to me. When I was at my lowest, I read the Quran to get my strength back. I randomly choose a page from translation of Quran. I read about the hardship our prophets face. The verse was about Allah trying to convince prophet Muhammad to be patience. The previous prophet faced harder times. About hardship prophet Musa and Nuh faced with their people. When I read that, I felt like Allah trying to tell me, sabar. He is there for me.

Ok, I’m done for now. Need to have more rest. Mama dah call suruh rehat dan makan ubat.

so.. to be continued :)

exams

1. i screwed up my accounting paper. i can say i will get less than 40% for sure. huh. rasa macam nak pengsan dah nie. demam tahap dewa.

2. i dont really like thinking about the possibility that i'll fly. yeah, it's terrifying considering the fact i might not fly if i dont meet my university and sponsor's cut off point. but imagining me being alone there, lebih menakutkan.

3. i'm still trying to adapt befriend with self-centered person. trust me, it's not easy. it cost me tears. and sometimes abang or ayah need to fetch me home just because i cant stand to face that person. or it might be because me myself is a self-centered person and i find it hard to live with a normal person? hurrrmmmmm.... mungkin.

4. i feel lucky to get jawahir as my boarding house. i'm lucky to get the chance knowing my friends here. thanks hana, mira and madihah. you guys are great :D

5. you never know how it feel and what you would do if you never been in her/his shoe. so, dont simply say what her/his reaction was wrong or inappropriate. or at least dont say it on her/his face.

urrggghhhhh... i have econs paper tomorrow. nak tido dulu untuk dapatkan tenaga balik. rasa macam nak separuh mati demam.

so.. to be continued :)

handphone

gambar sekadar penyeri post. my parents :D

I had my first hanphone when I was standard 4. I didn’t ask for it. my parents gave it to me. When I was in standard 6, my class had a school trip to sunway lagoon if I’m not mistaken. When I was enjoying the theme park, someone took my phone from my bag. I cant describe to you how frighten I was. It turned out to be, my parents didn’t mind at all. Okay, it wasn’t that they didn’t mind. They just didn’t gave me any reaction.

The next week, my dad offered me a new phone :D but I said no. I didn’t had any phone until I was form 3. I had one just because my dad forced me to. he said it’s difficult for them to contact me. Huh. Like I’m living in boarding school. Hari-hari balik rumah kot (sekolah harian).

My first phone was the cheapest phone nokia can offer. It wasn’t that my parents wanted to give me that phone but I’m the one request for it. later on, my sister gave me a sony Ericson phone when I was in form 4. At that time, that phone considered as a good phone. BB and i phone were not famous yet.

I used that phone until I’m form 6. I treasure that phone. Maybe because that was my first good phone. Plus, I have lots of memory with it. especially pictures in that phone.

Dulu, ada kawan pinjam phone tu. saya guna phone saya lagi satu. Bukan sebab saya tak sayang phone sony tu. tapi ayah tak bagi saya pinjamkan phone saya lagi satu tu. dan saya pun yakin kawan saya tu akan jaga phone sony tu dengan baik. So, ok je. Tak kesah sangat.

Lagi sekali, ada sorang kawan saya yang laen pinjam phone sony tu. phone dia rosak tapi dia pakai kejap je sebab boyfriend dia suruh dia guna phone boyfriend dia. Tak kesah la.

Satu hari tu, saya bercerita tentang mesej2 dalam phone tu yang saya dah delete sikit demi sikit. Bila saya cerita, dia buat muka terkejut. Dia kata dia dah “delete all messages” dalam phone tu. sebab dia ingat cuma mesej dia je dalam phone tu. :O saya pulak buat muka terkejut. Tapi saya kata okay je kat dia. Memang about time pun saya delete mesej2 dalam phone tu. Cuma, mesej2 ainun, mama, yanie, kakak n abang yang saya sayang. Hurrmmm.... tak pe la. Nak buat macam mana. Perkara dah jadi.

At least saya masih ada phone tu lagi time tu. ada gambar2 kenangan dengan kawan2. Family. Bayangkanlah. Empat tahun punye kenangan.

Semalam saya tanye dia, dia dah pulangkan ke phone tu? dia jawab dah kot sebab tak de kat laci dia. Saya dah macam -.-‘ macam mana nie? Kalau dia dah pulangkan, saya tak tau phone tu kat mana. Saya pernah cari kat rumah n dalam bilik tapi tak de.

Saya masih ingat gambar saya dan ainun sebelum pergi jogathon sekolah. Time tu saya masih pakai braces. Suka sangat gamba tu. sekarang tinggal kenangan je.

Huuummmpppphhh....

so.. to be continued :)

values in life

In my family, everyone is instilled with values that shape us now. They are :

1. Kalau makan jangan ada bunyi. Maksudnye, makan tutup mulut. Atau pun kalau nak minum sup, jangan hirup kat sudu. Sebab bunyi tu dikatakan tak senang untuk didengar. Nak minum sup, masukkan satu sudu terus dalam mulut.
2. Jangan hayunkan tangan ketika jalan.
3. Perkataan-perkataan yang tak sopan tak boleh disebut di rumah. Seperti bodoh, bongok dan sebagainye.
4. Maksimum waktu menonton tv tidak lebih dari sejam sehari. Sebab tu adik beradik kami tak de yang pakai spectacle :D
5. Jalan kaki kena lurus. Dalam erti kata laen, jangan jalan kenkang (macam nie ke ejaan dia?).
6. Kalau kita makan sesuatu dan ada orang nampak, MESTI offer orang tu. Sebab tu saya rasa agak pelik orang makan dalam 1 kumpulan tapi tak offer orang laen. Tak semestinye saya nak apa yang dia makan cuma rasa pelik bila tak dioffer.
7. Jangan cakap sesuatu yang tak bermakna. Macam cakap sesuatu yang menampakkan ketidakbijaksanaan anda. Sebab tu saya lebih suka diam dari bercakap dengan orang yang kurang kenal. I still remember this one incident when I was standard 5 and there was an open house at my house. I was doing something in the kitchen and my cousin helped me. I was trying to make a conversation with her and said, “eyh, awal kak n*r*l sampai”. And guess what? Saya ditegur sebab cakap mende tak sepatutnye. They said when I asked that question like I don’t want her to arrive early. Jujur la kan, saya tak de maksud macam tu langsung. I just accept the fact that I don’t have social skill.
8. Jangan pijak katil atau tilam. Kecuali kalau anda yakin kaki anda bersih.
9. Kalau makan, jangan gaulkan nasi dengan lauk. You know right what I mean? Unless it’s meant to be eaten that way. Like nasi kerabu, u have to mix everything but still, we are not advisable to do that.
10. Prioritise your family first. All the time. I have a story to go with this point. Ok. masa saya masih bersekolah, setiap cuti akhir tahun kami sedara mara akan tukar-tukar anak. Kalau tak pun, semua cousin saya akan tinggal kat kampung. Ada sekali nie saya dan abang ikut kakak sulung mama. Melancong 1 malaysia kalau tak silap. Pada 1 masa nie ada ada 1 je gula-gula lebih dan saya offer aunty saya tu. Dan abang pun kata dia nak gula-gula tu. Saya kata kat abang jangan, biar saya bagi aunty saya. Di situ la aunty saya tegur, sentiasa lebihkan family terdekat dan kawan datang selepas tu. Pertama sekali mama ayah, then adik beradik, kemudian pakcik makcik dan seterusnye sedara mara dan akhir sekali yang laen-laen. I still remember the exact way she said it.
11. Don’t laugh so hard. It’s not nice to see girls laugh out loud. Tapi yang nie, dah kurang sikit diamalkan. I used not to laugh much but since I got here at ktj and met syamim, I change. Syamim loves to laugh so hard and to admit, I don’t really like it at first. I mean to see girls laugh so hard. But now, I love it :D I love to laugh :D tapi kat rumah tak berape boleh. Nanti kene tegur.
12. Yang paling penting, nilai kasih saying antara kami :D we always love the young ones. For example, if I only have RM10 and my younger sister need RM10, I’ll give her. That’s what my brother would do too. Anything for the family. Not just money, but other things too. Owh, I have a better example. My cousin, kak A come from a rich family. So, she has lots of nice stuff right. my second cousin, kak B come from not a really rich family. So, she always like stuff that my kak A has. Macam-macam sangat. Macam gelang yang mak dia belikan kat overseas, baju kurung yang cantik-cantik dan accessories yang cantik-cantik. Kak B selalu mintak dari kak A dan kak A bagi je walaupun dia sangat sayang mende2 tu. Dia kata, kak B tu dah macam adik dia sendiri. Kalau adik2 minta apa2, kita kene bagi. I learn a lot from kak A. Some of values here were taught by her.
13. If elderly gives you advice and you don’t agree with them, don’t argue. Just keep it to yourself.

These values have been instilled in us since we were young but my parents have stop doing it since we left school. However, since they are already old and after all the hard work raising 4 children, my youngest sister dont really get it all. But then, she is born as a good girl. We, the bother and sisters help my parents helping her getting it.

However, with all the friends influences, some of us don’t really practice all the values all the time. i don’t really practice all the values though. It may seems our life is boring as everything is being control. The truth is, we are very happy. The values just make us more polite I guess. and somehow make us a more loving person.

so.. to be continued :)

muslim are shallow? think again...

What do you think about someone who condemn other religion? Unless if you are an atheist , I bet you will not like it even if it’s not your religion being condemn.

When I was form 5, my friends and I like to gather in a group and talked about religion. Our own religion. Nevertheless you are Christian, Buddhist, Hindu or muslim. None of us question anyone’s belief.

As much as I don’t like others condemn my religion, I don’t like to condemn other’s as well. Same goes about my country. When I read blogs or hear anyone say bad things about Malaysia, I somehow don’t feel easy about it. Especially if Malaysian do it. Yeah, I agree Malays are lazy. The prime minister’s wife spend lots of the country’s money which we, the people don’t find it necessary. Yeah, I have to agree with all that facts as I’m trying not to live in denial. But when you compare Malaysia with other country, I somehow don’t like it.

You may like living in the UK, US or Singapore. But what I can say, how great those country are, they can never be a better home than Malaysia. If you want to argue about development, yeah they are better. But the feeling of being home, Malaysia is the place :D

Today is valentine’s day. The whole world is celebrating it in the name of love. However, I don’t really keen about today. Since I was in secondary school I’ve been told not to celebrate this day. Cikgu siap panggil penceramah lagi. And I read lots of articles why we the muslim shouldn’t celebrate it. As it involve element of religion in it. But somehow, I’m not against people who celebrate it. As I don’t against muslim who don’t wear tudung, I also don’t against muslim who celebrate valentine’s day.

My mum always tell me not to create any perspective on someone just with the way they dress, the way they talk, the way they socialise or whatever they do. In another word, don’t be judgemental. What really fresh in my mind is when my mum told me that who use the word bodoh, bongok or any other word that I find harsh, doesn’t mean they are barbaric. Not everyone like me. Actually those words are normal and I’m the one who don’t use it, which i was never allowed to use it and I don’t want to.

What my mum told me, He gives guidance to whom He wants to. My mum gave nur kumalasari as an example. She used to be a very sexy singer which is nothing like she is now. A very religious person. What my mum was trying to tell me, I may condemn someone being sexy but we never know that person may be given guidance by Him and I may still being me the okay okay practice muslim. That’s why, we shouldn’t easily being sceptical. I used not to like to see young couple hugging or holding hands in public but what my sister told me, try to be positive. They may be married. My mum said that may be their test. I may not be tested in that way. So, it’s between them and God. Dont have negative thought about them.

So today, I read this post about what one of my muslim collage mate thinks about muslim. I repeat myself, she commented about MUSLIM and not islam. She wrote about how unloving muslim are. How shallow muslims are. Muslim don’t care about unfortunate people in Africa, Autistic children, about the illiterate and others who need our attention. Her argument was about valentine’s day actually. My interpretation about her comment was, how shallow muslim are that they cant accept valentine’s day and accept the world as it is now. Like people have sex before marriage all the time. People use the f word in all their sentences. And other practices against islam’s teaching. If I’m not mistaken she emphasis on the point how muslim cant tolerate with other religion. Muslim are rigid and they cant accept other religion than islam. Again, that’s just my interpretation.

Like I mentioned before, I try my best not to live in denial. I’ve just watched a debate on should Americans fear islam which I got the link from akuanakazman’s blog. In that debate, one of the panel mentioned that there are more than 1.5 billion muslim in the world. Don’t you think somehow you are being too general when you are giving statement about muslim? you can say, muslim who are Malaysian. At least it narrow down your subject.

I know those people as she mentioned exist but surprisingly, I’ve never met that kind of person. I just hear stories about them. The most religious person I’ve ever met and befriend with I think would be madihah and kak shahira(my naqibah). Trust me, they are not even close to what she mentioned above.

There are various ways to convey your message. the core of the subject is vital to your argument and I think the way you deliver it is important too. I don’t think you will be attracted to islam if the preacher keep on using harsh words right? Good news may seems like a bad news if you say it wrongly right?

My point here is try our best not to abuse our freedom of speech. everyone has their own opinion and want to tell the world about it just like what I’m doing right now. But choose the right method to convey it. I know it’s hard to please everyone but try our best not to touch other religions and other races sentiment. I like being a malay as I was taught to use descent words and proper language. If that’s what she means by muslim girls don’t have good communication skill and cant speak up as they were taught to be shy, I like it. I like the fact that we were taught to be shy. But that doesn’t mean I cant accept whose not.

so.. to be continued :)

today is saturday... you know, i think the teacher who made the timetable purposely put one of my subject on saturday.. i only have one class... if i dont have, i can go home every friday after break :D cause i dont have class after break :D

so, i got this message from wafi and lilian this morning that they got message from mehul saying mr hughes cancel our class for today... so, i dont have any class for today!! yeay!

i was thinking about going home though :D but then, what about my aim not to go home often? you know what, i was thinking about passing the petronas and university cutoff point and all but appeal to petronas to continue my study locally... the long chinese new year break make me more homesick :(

but then, there's no turning back.. that's what mira said to me... now is not the time to think about it, either study locally or overseas... i should think about it before i came here...

this morning, lilian called me.. kinda weird actually... i dont know, i just find it weird for her wanting to meet me without telling me why...

so, since i dont have class, i woke up late this morning... i woke up just because lilian wanted to see me...

she turned up with liyana... serious tahap keseganan yang sangat tinggi...

imagine you just woke up and two of your friends see your messy face and all...

ok, back to my meeting with lilian... it become weirder that she gave cookies... owwwhhhhh... so nice of her... and weird...

so, yesterday my classmate asked me about my university choices... either i have made my mind or not... i told him i wanna make lancaster as my firm... and insurance, i havent decide yet... maybe i said lancaster just because i dont want to go to the same uni as him since i was furious with him about his reaction when i wanna tell him about my sister's life as an auditor... but what he said totally make sense cause i think i've told them about it thousand of times... no wonder he react that way... i'm such a kid... mende remeh macam nie pun nak amik kira...

but then, i check the UK map and it turned up to be, lancaster is the nearest university that i've got that close to my brother's university... plus i havent heard anyone here wanna go to lancaster... what i know, if i'm not mistaken asyiq and tasnim made lancaster as insurance...

the way i say it like my brother is already there... actually he's still here, Insya-Allah he'll fly with me.. he has accepted the offer and all... my parents choose to send him there because his close friend just graduated there and plus, it'll be easier for them to visit us...

at first abang applied at this one university at australia... just imagine if he study there... my parents have to go to australia and UK every year... it will be costly...

so far, i like all the arrangements my parents made :) abang and i will be there and yanie will turn up in the UK during my third year of study... and her university option isnt that far from us :)

so.. to be continued :)

CNY break :D

as you know, both of my sisters are not home now...

and i guess you know that my parents are felling guilty with the fact that i'm not going with them...

so, my parents wanna go overseas as well... but a vacation that wont cost that much...

first, my dad wanted to book rooms at hadnyai... i guess we were too late, there was no room available.. dah nak book sehari sebelum... memang la susah nak dapat bilik...

then, ayah look for rooms at singapore... we were lucky there was 2 rooms available... itupun different floor.. tapi tak pe, nak cuti punye pasal sanggup je...

first when we reached the hotel, there was a cute philipine butler welcomed us... owwwhhh~~~ dia sangat cute~ tapi rasa segan dalam diri masih cukup tebal untuk ambil gamba dengan dia...

i shared a room with kakak, mama ayah stayed at the other room...

since my sister was too tired, we let her sleep that evening...

what i did? huh... sudah pasti ke gym :D

in the enjoyment of jogging and cycling at one spot, mama asked me to go with her...

then, we went to the beach... pantai yang berlatar belakang kan kapal2 mega...

berdepankan highway yang penuh dengan kereta tanpe henti...

tapi memang cantik lah tempat dia... walaupun diaorang sangat terhad tanah, apa diaorang ada memang dah cukup...

that night we went to ION shopping center...

at first we called it ion as in positive and negative ion like in chemistry...

the next morning when my dad said we want to go to ion shopping complex, the taxi driver make a face like *where is that place? even i'm a singaporean never heard of that place*...

then, the taxi driver said, "do u mean i-on (pronounce like i mean saya and on means atas)?"...

we all laughed... segan pun ada sebenarnye :D hehheehe

this shopping complex was the thing that impressed me so much... it makes malaysia's achievements look small... they actually have another city underground... serious tak tipu...

dan ia adalah teramat sangat hebat... macam 5 tingkat bawah tanah kot... memang hebat ah...

like we were in different world... i know the stores are norm but the fact that we were 5 floors underground was just awesome!

we cant really shop cause most of the goods are designer goods... my mum just bought a handbag... and we bought some desert from a really exclusive tea store... u know what, a glass of tea from that store cost u at least 20 dollar... perrggghhh... tapi desert dia ok :) masih mampu~

then, we check out and get ourself straight to the taxi stand where malaysian taxi takes passenger to johor... we were too tired to go back to arab street to buy the cloths mama wanted to buy at the first place...

at last, we get ourself home :D lucky my dad's car has a refrigerator... tak cair desert yang kakak beli tadi :)

so.. to be continued :)

why i love my life~

1. i have my mum around me... always... my family never leave me in whatever situation..

2. my life has been a smooth sailing... i never really face any difficulties... everything start after i changed school to putrajaya... before putrajaya, i studied at sri serdang until i was standard 4... would u believe me if i say i never not be in the last class when i was at sri serdang? trust me, i wasnt a bright student.. except for math if i'm not mistaken... other subjects, i never really scored well... when i changed to putrajaya, luckily the head master was my mum's friend... he let all of us to be in the first class.. trust me, in putrajaya if you are a new student, you cannot get into first class... from there, i turned out to be a bright student after all.... how is that possible? i also dunno.. i manage to maintain my result until i finished my form 5... and now, i managed to secure a scholarship and hopefully to have a bright future... and a wonderful husband perhaps :D hahhaha

3. i have yanie to share all my worries...

4. ainun always around for me... since the incident hakim read my journal and spread the words to the whole school, i knew ainun is my BFF... when everyone ignored me, didnt want to talk to me, hate me... ainun being natural to me.. like nothing happened... instead of making fun of me and ignore me, she tried to correct the situation... no matter what i do, she always see me as her friend...

5. i have mira who never leave me no matter whatever comes... especially during OBS, STE and tasputra... during OBS, she was the one packed my stuff, carried me to base camp.. during STE, she bring food for every meal to our room since i was too tired to move to the dining hall... when i had t shirt problem, only mira and liyana stayed... others helped, but when i faced a really tough time, only both of them stayed... i will never able pay her deeds... jujur tak kan boleh...

6. i have a great roommate... befriend with her, she'll make you laugh... sometimes she may say something inappropriate but later you'll find what she said was the truth and you'll realise she was right...

7. there's no reason not to like about my life...

8. i have more than i need... i get too much love and never really face a severe financial difficulties... so far, mama ayah never disappoint me :D

basically, we can love our life if we want to... what matters is what in here (pointing at my head and heart)... we make our mind believe what we have is enough... make your heart accept whatever you get as a fate...

so.. to be continued :)

yanie n adik...

owwwhhh... i just read yanie's wall post at ayah's wall...

they are staying at royal suite... diaorg semua disambut meriah dengan bunga semua...

makan semua mewah2 teramat sangat...

dia kata macam kat tv... yang kene sambut meriah2 tu...

duduk mewah2....

now i'm officially envy them... hahhahhhaa

not really :D

so.. to be continued :)

things i dont like...

1. when i dont have enough money to spend... how much is enough? when i can get everything i want... trust me... i dont want much...

2. when my heart full of hate.. like when i drive, i feel wanna hit the car in front of me.. feel like want to scold my sisters... make my mum upset.. yell to everyone around me...

3. when anyone near me ask me either i'm okay or not when i'm mad... extremely mad... just let me cool down first before you want to ask me anything...

4. when i cant help myself to stop crying... especially when i dont get the results as i wish... believe me, i'll cry non stop for days...

5. when i have bad thought about others... i'll hate myself for that after i get my conscious back...

6. when i spread rumors or say something bad about someone else... especially when i say the wrong fact... owwhhhhh... i really hate that... sometimes, i cant sleep thinking about it...

7. when i have to make decision that can effect someone else's life or my future.. i'm so used to follow orders... ok, i wont really call it orders.... opinion from someone who knows what is the best for me is a better choice of word... since the day i know the world, my mum and dad have been the one decide everything for me.. for spm, mama had decided what subject to get 1A, what subject to get 2A and 3B.... what i need and what i dont need... once they let me decide, i seriously dont know what to decide... i dont mind they decide everything for as i know they only want what's best for me... if possible, i want it to stay that way...

8. when people ask how much someone's parents earn... i never think that's a good question or the best way to socialise... trust me, i've met that kind of people... when you want to befriend with him or her, dont make who their parents are as one of the reason...

i think 8 is enough... trying not to hate too much things...

owwwwhhhhh... yanie and adik going to fly to new delhi tomorrow morning... kind of envy them...

they have the best flight.... only the best of the best...

stay at hotel that cost double than Hilton can charge them...

a business trip become a family trip... they have to move with mini bus as there are 12 of them... or more? hurrrmmmm.. tak kesah la.. i'll not be there pun...

apa2 pun, i'm happy for them.. maybe from there, they can learn something... jauh perjalanan, luas permandangan :D

so.. to be continued :)

kawan~

you know.. everyone has their own perspective about friends..

i've met some who dont believe in friendship.. he said they are your friends when you need them... or just to fit in... not to be outcasted...

some says, friends are important.. they are your strength when you are away from your family...

i think most of you know that i not friendly.. a loner i would say...

somehow last thursday i told one of my housemate how i see friendship...

i told her about my sweet ex best friend when i was form 2...

and how i lost my faith in friendship... pergh... such a strong statement...

okay, i havent lose my faith... but that incident makes me not interested in making friends anymore.... i would rather stay alone.. being a loner is better..

i dont have responsibility to maintain the relationship...

i only have ainun... and not planning to add another...

ktj is my first boarding school... ok, i'm considering myself as a boarding school student cause i dont go home on daily basis.. weekend je okay saya balik :D

after i finished telling her my stories, she gave one advice..

she said, she's open and she can accept my story but in the future, dont tell this to anyone..

cause they might take it as i'm saying i dont appreciate my friends.. like i dont need them...

you know what, from what she said i can feel like she's trying to say that i'm not a good friend...

ironically, ainun called me that night.. exactly after we hang up, amzar called me :)

seems like i still have friends... who remembers me.. and call me..

appreciate me.. that means, i'm not a lousy friend after all...

to be honest, i'm afraid of having friends as i'm afraid of losing them... that's the reason i dont wanna be very close to anyone here...

however, i was amazed how great some people here.. especially mira hana n madihah...

so.. to be continued :)